Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Epilogue

This spell of blogging has ended sooner than I expected. At any rate, there shall be no further posts on this blog. My gift to you- I won't delete it. I hope you read till your eyes burn out.

Why I started blogging in the first place is a simply answered question- I wanted to write. Why have I decided to leave it is reasonably more complex. There is more than one human variable involved and to list them all and describe their behaviour would take loads of time, and I love my life too much. Let's just say that all people involved in this blog (my readers, my non-reading critics and myself) have reached by mutual consensus on the decision that I shall cease boring them with Roman script alphabets and Hindu-Arabic numerals.

One thing I noticed among my erstwhile blogging colleagues is that they seldom write for a purpose. It is more of an impulse. Even now, I feel I shall regret the loss of the electricity flowing through my fingers onto the screen, the thrill that two decades worth of vocabulary has finally been put to a better use than examinations. Even the punctuation is impeccable. Who would have thought that this is the same boy who nearly screwed up his English High School paper (word of advice- never write sentences more than ten words long, or words more than six characters long in the paper)?

The sense of purpose is a powerful thing. As I noted in a former post, it is that you live for that you will be willing to die for. It may be that there are no higher goals, no spiritual enlightenment to be sought after, no self-actualization. The cynics may be right there, you know. But there is always something out there you want. Correction, you need. The day you break off the trodden path to seek something out, consider that very thing found. Live that moment as never before. Savour every glimpse of the wisp you see, worship the condensate if it be your destiny to attain it. For it is then that you realize that there is no destiny, that we all have will to overcome anything said to be written on stone. There may be a million different paths, but you chose that one. Never rue your choice. It is unwise to look upon a promising land after you pass it. It won't assuage your sufferings any.


Which is why I abandon this blog without much further ado. I cannot stall the choice I took. It would be so.......cowardly.

Autumn went past long ago, but it has only just arrived for me. The leaves fall, the tree stretches upright again. There is a strain off its back. Older, yes. Wiser, definitely. But not dead. Not yet.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Why is the snow all black?

No, it does not snow here in Delhi. As a very wise person put it today, if it snowed in Delhi, no one would go to Shima or Gulmarg. And we don't want you to miss all that, do we? Plus, it takes away the incentive to go to Gulmarg on my honeymoon.


More news. I have now formally deleted my Facebook account, which, though far more private than Orkut, never came to much use. For fear of being labeled hypocritical, I have also started the process of closing down my Orkut account. Gradually. I fear I may lose touch with many of my friends, but I find the very idea of a public social portal repugnant. It will have to go. I did toy with the idea of sending a multiple scrap to all, informing them of my decision to cut myself off from social networking- something like Poirot committing a muder before he died- but I didn't feel there was anyone important enough whom I would lose contact with purely because I deleted my account. Those who matter most to me will always be kept in touch. Ahh, the marvels of modern technology! And as for the rest, well, frankly my dear people, I don't give a damn.


Did I ever tell you people that I went to an alumni party at school? As one of my many 'Profile' friends decided to name himself, ALUMNI WAS....MEGA CRAP. Oh well, for me at least. Five people from the entire section of thirty three, though I must admit I have never been short of friends in the other sections either. I can't dance either, so that didn't help much. To a friend who was clearly bored to death with my constant stream of sarcastic comments, well, I can't really apologise, but I promise to learn the waltz before I ever go on the dance stage again.


I have been doing a lot of Holocaust research lately. It suits my mood. Vacations seem like a Gloomy Sunday lived all over again. Home can do only so much to assuage the pain. Maybe eating a lot of chocolate will help. Oh damn. I only have really bitter dark chocolate. Deliciously, agonisingly depressing. Maybe I'll gain a few pounds. Eat the chocolate as though it is love. Thank you Friends.


Have I forgotten to tell you all something? Oh yes, merry Christmas. Do watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' if you can. Maybe you are innocent enough to be immune to its annoyingly optimistic end.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Hitchhiking along the Highway of Boredom

The pull was too strong. I could not resist the chance to write another piece of just something to keep myself busy. Yes, unlike my more illustrious friends in the blogging circle, I have not had much to do these vacations, and am consequently left with little matter to write. Only it doesn’t matter any more. I don’t report backyard news via the internet. It’s got me into enough trouble for one thing, and you just can’t be natural once you know that what you are writing is going to be viewed by others who know you and can make out what you write. So let us just put this little escapade with the keyboard to an unexplained electromagnetic attraction between the pressure switches under the keypad and my fingertips. The peeled off skin helps.


I’ve been reading. No, it isn’t anything I read. I am just listing what I’ve been doing these past fifteen days. I just read any old thing that I got. Never even thought about if it was worthwhile. I read many books twice, and read many more that I had read twice before. The idiot box has been mercifully demoted in the hierarchy of entertainment. I generally prefer to surf the net and come across interesting stuff to read.


Fact: I got sentimental. I wasn’t drunk. I don’t drink. I me teatoddler (didn’t expect anyone to get that). But then it happened. I was feeling real bad about not talking to an old friend for a long time. I suppose I was intoxicated on shame.


I have also shunned movies to some extent. Having failed to make my friends sit through Life is Beautiful and Schindler’s List hurts. Yea, reading The Odessa File didn’t assuage that wound any.


I’ve been passing some time going through a vocabulary quiz through a certain comment I saw in the Geek in a Box’s last post (possibly the last too). Not bad, but the caption saying I donated 2000 grains of rice to some poor malnourished kid in East Asia or Africa really gets me down. Kids are dying of hunger in my country too. Will even twenty million grains of rice help them all? Where does it all go?


I have also been trying to convince myself that I have the Marvin syndrome- I suffer from neurotic depression due to an exceptionally brilliant mind. It sort of makes me feel happier about it. Any takers for the theory?

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Recalled to Life

I don't think any of you will recognise me. No, that would be a forlorn hope. But then, that's just the reason I took this new avatar. My last attempt to write publicly caused more than a bit of brouhaha, and with a heavy heart, albeit accompanied by much relief, I erased the offending literary work. I don't intend to post them again- many people are sensitive to such matter, but no one is more hurt or sorry than me.

This may not be the best of times, or the worst of times, but a part of Dicken's classic does reflect this moment. After three months, if not eighteen years, I have been recalled to life.